Introduction to “How To Make The Blended Family Work”

Making the Best World Out of What Others Consider a Mess

How To Make The Blended Family Work

Many times we find ourselves becoming sensitized to the experiences that brought us pain or discomfort. What I mean by this is, we find ourselves having more compassion for others who’ve been plagued by a circumstance we’ve gone through. For example:

• when we know of someone on the verge of losing their home, our heart goes out to them to share the best advice we can offer, because we’ve been there. 
• when we know someone who’s lost their job and it seems like the end of the world, we understand and can empathize because we’ve been there and know what it’s like to lose an important part of our world.
• when we hear a person who’s been damaged by their church (this happens), we’re the first to rush in so that they won’t give up on church because (you guessed) we too have the same experience.
• when we feel the pain of so many who’ve been impacted by social injustice, we’re the first to bring hope, light, comfort, and inspiration to help a person see beyond a hurt that doesn’t go away. Why? We’ve been there.
• when we’ve known a person who’s loved-one, significant other, or family member has turned their back on them, we’re prompted to step in and provide support because we’ve been them.

In this new theme, Pamela and I have decided, because we’ve been there, it’s time we share our best practices and principles that have helped us with success in creating a family unlike any other. This series of lessons is targeted on “How To Make The Blended Family Work.”

Why a lesson on blended families?
The reason for this lesson came as a result of two ideas or thoughts: 1) we have a blended family and it works and 2) we know more people whose families are blended than those that are not.

1. We have a blended family.
   Let me say this. No one started out with the intent of having a blended family in the same way no one seeks the challenges mentioned above that life brings our way. Frankly, life happens to us all, the question that I’d like to ask is how will you handle it when it does? Will you respond like the average person? Or will you show the average person how it can be done better?
2. The families we know that are blended.
   It’s interesting to hear the different mixes within a person’s family. There are…
   – adopted children
   – ex-everything’s (in-laws, siblings, friends, etc.)
   – children joined to a family by marriage
   – children joined but with different parents
   – relationships that exist because of offspring
   The combinations might be endless, but they are common. So what can you do to make these situations work?

A War With Your Family
The goal of this set of lessons is to teach others how to make the best world out of what others would consider a messed up world. Everything contained within these lessons will go against normal conventions. You can’t expect to have a blended family that works if you’re going to do it the same way unsuccessful people do. The average person is unable to take the steps necessary to have an uncommon outcome. Therefore, you must decide not to be average and be willing to take steps that aren’t always comfortable and not always easy.

With that said, allow me to share with you the game plan for how we will present these lessons. I decided to talk to God about it. Don’t let that throw you off. Most people talk to their friends, their spouse, or their acquaintances to get advice. Because we want the very best to help us make this the best content possible, I took the conversation a little higher, for you. This is what we (God, Pamela, and I) came up with. 

We’re presenting this material with the overall theme of being in a war with your family. One writer posed this question, “what is causing the quarrels and fights among you? Does it not come from the desires that are at war within you?” This theme on warring within the family will include the following five sections:

Section 1 – The War Families Find Themselves In
Because a war or battle breaks out in a family, division occurs, and even death. Maybe not physical death but certainly emotional death. However, anytime there’s a battle you have opponents, but you also have casualties. You’ll have a winning side, but you will also have a side that loses, but even if you win, you’ve lost something. The war families find themselves in is the start of how a blended family is forged.

Section 2 – Declare War Only When It’s Totally Necessary
Acting when tempers flare can start a war and many times it’s an unintended war. You only go to war when all other options are totally exhausted. There is one other thought you must consider, there are times when war is necessary in order to resolve a conflict that’s keeping both sides from progressing. When you decide to declare war, make sure it’s totally necessary. Sometimes your hands are forced into going into battle with family, but make sure you’re clear on your battle plan.

Section 3 – Don’t Kill Them, You Need Them
When it comes to war, the opposing side is considered your enemy. You will be tempted to destroy them completely, but what if the enemy you wish to destroy is your key to the very outcome you desired that started the war in the first place? While you want to kill the one you’d rather not do life with, wait a minute, you might need them after all.

Section 4 – Don’t Fight The Wrong Enemy
We must make sure our attention is in the right place. You may have been at war with one country, but you might be overlooking the bigger war that’s in your backyard. We can’t be distracted by a priority that’s less important than the one that can ultimately destroy us. How can we see beyond the fight that created our blended mix?

Section 5 – Don’t Continue The War That Ended
Regardless of the picture society paints or the instigators who remain, no one wants a war that lasts forever. Don’t carry a war on one more day than what’s necessary. End the war, as soon as possible so that the rebuilding, healing, and progress can occur. 

So often, we run into someone who admires what we’ve accomplished. They’ve been watching. We’ve created a blended family unlike what society expects in such a mix. Therefore, we’ve decided to share with the world, our practices, challenges, and how we overcame. Creating a blended family is like putting your world back together after having gone through a war. Over the next few weeks, we will be sharing what it takes to put it all together in the aftermath of a family war.

Question: How can you benefit from knowing what to expect in a blended family?

Stay tuned, tell your friends about it, and thanks for visiting Kerry A. Clark & Co. 

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Our team has worked very hard putting it together. We designed it to help you and your family move the needle forward in making your life your business. Find out more about the Family plan here.