How People Allow Their Point of View Get in the Way?
Doing Battle When It’s Absolutely Necessary – Part 4
Have you ever considered what’s no longer solely available to you when you are in a blended family scenario? Let’s give some thought to what’s no longer available to you, but make sure we understand what’s still available to your child or children.
It’s tempting to think that your children and other family members need what you need, think what you think, and share the same perspective when it comes to their world. However, that’s never true and what happens when it is not the same? Because every human being is unique no two people will see everything in the same way. Since this is the case and is out of your control, one must acknowledge learning how to deal with others’ differing viewpoints when it comes to having a successful blended family. This is not avoidable and has the potential to be a nightmare for all those connected.
I would like to first give you the two reasons we’re sharing this information.
1) You must be aware of who really is involved.
2) You must learn how to deal with more than just you.
You must be aware of who really is involved.
You are not the only person involved. Having a blended family helps you to see what you generally don’t in a non-blended family. Allow me to explain what I mean. There are some things you take for granted when working with family members in a non-blended family scenario. For example, you don’t really have to respect the thoughts of others because as a parent you can easily remove yourself and/or your child from situations you’d rather not have them in. In a blended-family situation it’s not quite that easy or that simple. You have to learn how to respect the fact that the other parent has the same rights to have an opinion as do you. Not only do you have to respect that, but also the rights for the other parent’s family to have opinions.
What we learned was that in a non-blended family people are more inclined to overlook the opinions and advice of family members simply because they have the option to do so. I’m not saying this is right or wrong. What I am saying is that it happens and this is a major difference to take note of when you have a blended family. You don’t get to ignore or dismiss the opinions and advice of others that impacts your child or children. Since this is the case, how do you handle it so that you can still provide the best input for your child? You must be aware and get used to the people involved in your child’s life and who are now just as much family to him/her as those connected with you.
Now before we go too far, I need to make you aware of just one more thought. How do you determine whether your opinion for your child is correct when compared to that of your child’s other parent? Also, how will your child or children decipher who they should listen to? Are you willing to place your child in a position of not valuing their other parent as much as you? Keep in mind that their other parent(s) and even family can do the same. Think of it this way, you’ll need an uncommon approach to doing life as a part of a blended family scenario.
You must learn how to deal with more than just you.
Let’s talk about how to deal with this conflict in thinking? Pamela and I had to do some serious thinking on how to handle this scenario and other blended family scenarios. We have had a couple of blended family scenarios where this could have given us many problems. The first thing we did was determine where the true problem lied and that was in us. I say problem, but it is more suitable to say that we’re the only place change can occur. We can’t change others and we can not change the fact that our family is blended. Therefore, we have to take ownership for the things we can control and influence.
The child or children under normal circumstances would have not had any issues and their other parent under normal conditions would not have either, if they’d not been a victim of a blended family. We’re victims at the end of the day, however this content on “How to Make the Blended Family Work” is written to move one from victim to victor. Therefore the problem was ours to solve. We needed to see the value of others’ involvement from our children’s point of view and not ours. Pamela always led our family with this motto, “the child comes first.” In other words before we act, make sure we’re acting in the best interest of the child and not our own, it’s not the child’s fault for any of it.
Secondly, because we wanted to be the best influencer for our children that meant we’d have to be the best influencer as a person. Normal people would try to achieve this by discrediting the other parent and their family views and values. The problem here is that normal people forget that they are on the same team. Team “[insert your child’s name here].” Instead of attacking the people who are for your child(ren), attack the people who are out to do your child harm. While I’m here let me share that we actually live this, thanks to Pamela. We are to partner with our child’s other parent and that means we must lay our differences aside for one reason and one reason only, we all have the same child(ren). I’m talking about “How to Make the Blended Family Work.”
To accomplish the task of becoming a better influencer, we decided to be like God. Here’s where you should ask and how’s that? We decided to not change 1 to be the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow.2 That means we have to have a standard of discipline that exceeds normal standards. How does that look? We decided to have values that we live by and principles, practices, and traditions that we didn’t change so that our children knew what to expect. We want them to know we can be counted on no matter what. In this way, they knew that we could be trusted and knew that our words matched our actions.
If you want a successful family, be it blended or not, you’ll need a plan. Running a family is like running a business. You have to decide on your values and goals upfront.
Today is Friday!
Craig Greoschel once made this statement, “where family values are weak, peer pressure is strong and where family values are strong, peer pressure is weak.” This statement suggests that one must have preset values in order to avoid the pressures of life that come to derail one’s life. To have a successful family, you’ll need to have your values and philosophies already established. Otherwise, someone else’s values and philosophies will rule.
Question: What values and philosophies do you have in place to protect your family?
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Find out more about the Family plan here.[/su_note]Reference #1: Malachi 3:6 NLT, Bible.com, accessed January 5, 2021, https://www.bible.com/116/mal.3.6.nlt
Reference #2: Hebrews 13:8 NLT, Bible.com, accessed January 5, 2021, https://www.bible.com/116/heb.13.8.nlt
All Scripture references used by permission, see our Scripture copyrights.
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