How to Chart the Course for An Uncommon Marriage?
From Here to There – Part 1
What goals do you have for yourself and for your family?
Now that we have a list of your goals, you’re one step closer to having a marriage that won’t fail. Goals are a part of planning. When you have a plan, you plan to succeed. Stated differently, when you have no plan, you’ve planned to fail.
You both have personal goals.
Let’s examine each set of personal goals. Don’t take it for granted that your significant other has goals of their own. When you forget or overlook the other person’s goals, you’ve just shown them the opposite of love, selfishness. As we examine the goals each person has listed, we are looking for a couple of things to stand out: goals that align with their partner’s goals and those that don’t.
- Goals that align.
Review your list and identify all the goals that align with your intended spouse or significant other.These will be the goals that will be the easiest to obtain or accomplish together. As you read through them, you’ll say oh yes, we can do this. However, not all goals that have been written will bring you to the same response. - Goals that don’t align.
Goals that don’t align are those that seem to spread you a part or separate you. For example, she wants to one day live in Hawaii and he wants to someday live in Morocco; we have a problem. Not an impossible problem but one that’s going to take some major planning and creative thinking to accomplish. It’s a goal that at first glance seems impossible to accomplish or will create some hardship.
Most couples don’t usually have goals that are impossible to obtain together. They can always see a way to achieve them if they can work together.
The key is to identify all the goals we have on the table and design a marriage and life that can achieve them all. That’s what marriage does and we will discuss this more in the lesson that follows.
You both have family goals.
What Pamela and I have noticed is that each person will bring to the table a set of family goals that the other person is unaware of them having. Most individuals make the assumption that their significant other’s goals are the same as theirs. They have no idea what their goals are and that they more than likely differ. Keep in mind that each person’s goals are important to the person. That means his goals are no more important than hers and vice versa.
So here’s what we do with your list of family goals. We will simply combine the family goals. We will put them together into one single list. This list will be used for the couple to establish its own core set of values to live by daily in order to create a family that can reach the goals that have been set.
Side note: keep in mind that no goals are written in stone and it’s up to you and your spouse to modify and adjust them as needed.
Everything in life requires a plan.
I want you to learn to live by this principle. Everything in life requires a plan. You will hear this phrase over and over again. If there is no plan in a certain area, you have a plan for that certain area to fail. Now that we have voiced two sets of goals: personal and family, we can now start to build the people you wish to become. Just because you’ve decided to get married doesn’t mean you take your dreams and goals and throw them out the window. It’s your partner (he or she) who desires above everything else to help you achieve your best in life and that starts with your goals.
The quickest path to get from anywhere, one point to another is a straight line. The same holds true for this list of personal and family goals you’ve written. A plan or directions help you create the straightest lined path to get to where you desire to go, your destination. The quickest way to get the marriage that you want is also a straight line, but you must define the two points that make up that line.
Let your goals represent the destination on the map of your life together. In order to chart a course, get the directions, to reach your goals, you need coordinates. One point is the destination, and the other point is your present location.
- Point 1 – the starting point.
Let’s call your present location your starting point. Pick a goal and begin to discuss where you are and what you have in place that directly impacts your goal. This process helps one set the starting point. - Point 2 – the destination.
Next take a look at the goal, the destination, and with both points identified, chart your course. This is where you write out a plan on how together you can get from the starting point to the destination. By the way, this activity is what we call life. Life is the journey one takes to get from one place to another.
Most couples engaged in an ordinary marriage rarely take the time to define their starting point and even fewer map out their destination. Let me reiterate it, “if you don’t have a plan, you have planned on failing.”
One of the key marital philosophies that Pamela and I live by came from a couple who happens to be one of our closest friends. They are always working on some project. It’s these projects that have not only allowed them to accomplish much, but has removed their ability to focus on the wrong things. They are too busy with the business of their marriage to allow other non-important matters to derail them. They are too busy for destructive arguments. Too busy for any outside relationships, if you know what I mean. They are too busy living, reaching their destination to get off course on someone’s else’s life journey. Look to your goals to give you the projects in which to work on. These projects are key to your reaching the destination set for your marriage.
Question: What goal can you and your significant other map out and begin working on today?
is available now!
Our team has worked very hard putting it together. We designed it to help you and your family move the needle forward in making your life your business.
Find out more about the Family plan here.[/su_note]
