Here’s the Glue Your Family Needs to Remain Together
Don’t Continue The War That Ended – Part 5
Some things are hard to put into words to get another person to understand. That’s when this saying becomes true. You have to experience it for yourself. Experiences trump head knowledge every single time. It’s like trying a new restaurant. A person can try to explain how great it is, but you’re not truly sold on it until you try it out yourself. Therefore if you want a family that works and that others can’t break down using mere words, then you must create shareable experiences. Is your life a bunch of mundane routines or is every day an experience? The more experiences, the better and the better the experiences, the stronger the bond.
Experiences trump head knowledge.
Tamia and I have a few songs that we can “feel.” Do you have a certain song that just takes you there? Well we do and many times we’ll play them and we’re in our own world; together. Pamela doesn’t always feel the songs in the way that we do and thus she’s excluded from the moment. Listen to those words. “A moment” that Tamia and I share is created by a song that we can feel. In other words, we’ve created an experience and each time we hear the sounds of those songs our minds take us to that “moment.” That’s what it means to create experiences.
I heard this theory in a church service once. Many times, we try to explain to someone else our convictions and our beliefs in support of our faith. Yet and still, a person doesn’t always buy into what we believe no matter how we explain it to them. What gives? It’s hard to sell someone on something they’ve not yet experienced. In other words, experience trumps head knowledge every time. Therefore the best action one can take in making a blended family work is to create your very own experiences.
Mere words can no longer break your family down.
There was a blind man whose name is not mentioned that received his sight. He was brought before a group who was responsible for keeping the law and preserving the sanctity of the religion of their day. Unfortunately, this miraculous event occurred on a day that was unlawful to do such acts and the news of the event brought great attention with it. As a result the once blind man was brought in for questioning, along with others who could vouch for him. They wanted to get his opinion on whether he thought the one who healed him was from God or was he an ordinary sinner.
What’s interesting is the reply he gave to the counsel who questioned him. He said “I don’t know whether he is a sinner,” the man replied. “But I know this: I was blind, and now I can see!”[1] In other words, I don’t know about him being a sinner, but what I have experienced says he’s something much more.
Mere words from those counselors couldn’t convince the former blind man to go against the one with whom he shared an amazing experience. In the same way, if we spend our life creating experiences (my brother calls it “making memories“), no one with just mere words can take the experiences that solidify our blended family, the family that works, away from us. If you want a family that can’t be easily broken, work on your ability to create experiences that your family can believe in.
Create some “remember when” moments.
Think of it this way. How easy is it to forget a meal together where everyone simply eats and disperses? What would happen if you made the meal a dining experience to remember? This is an activity our family has for Christmas. We have Christmas breakfast. While there’s nothing fancy about the breakfast, it’s the experience that makes it unforgettable and worth looking forward to. The more memories you create the more conversation happens when you get together. You’ll often hear these words, “do you remember” or “remember when.” When was the last time you created a “remember when” for your family? This “remember when” is more important than any gift you may ever give.
I recall a time of buying Pamela’s car after hers had been totaled. She couldn’t make up in her mind what vehicle she wanted. Then I remembered the one she most consistently discussed with me over the years. So Tamia and I, together with my brother, went and looked for it. We let Tamia pick out the final vehicle. This was one of these “remember when” moments for us all. Tamia can always have the joy of knowing she chose Pamela’s car, remember when. And Pamela can have the joy knowing that Tamia participated in giving her the vehicle she loved, remember when.
Making a memory doesn’t have to be difficult or take much effort, it’s just something that must be done if you want the glue that holds this family together that you’re creating. Sharing experiences that lead to memories being made is the bond needed to secure any relationship, especially a blended family.
Question: how can you create an experience to use as a way to make a lasting memory?
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Find out more about the Family plan here.[/su_note]Reference #1: John 9:13-25 NLT, Bible.com, accessed May 19, 2021, https://www.bible.com/bible/116/JHN.9.13-25.NLT
All Scripture references used by permission, see our Scripture copyrights.
