Three Points About Communicating in a Blended Family
Don’t Continue The War That Ended – Part 4
Communicating is very important. As it goes for any relationship, communicating is key. In fact, it’s communication that breaks or makes the relationship. How well one communicates is a predictor of how well one’s family is going to work. In this lesson, I have three points I’d like to make as to why parents should be the main communicators for their interactions with their child(ren).
We don’t make it a practice of communicating through our child(ren).
Point One – Never use your child to communicate on your behalf to their other parent. I can think of a couple reasons why you don’t want to do this.
- It’s difficult to give your child the answers you need to give the other parent.
- You teach your child how to avoid having conversations that are necessary.
The truth is ordinary, normal communication habits yield such behavior. Normal is the person who’d rather have their child deliver their messages to the other parent. Every time this occurs, what needs to get said doesn’t, then you’re stuck with having the same results that you’re not willing to speak to. Secondly, this communication behavior you’re modeling will rub off on your child(ren) and thus produce those unwanted results in their future lives.
We get to work with our child(ren)’s other favorite person.
Point Two – Show your child that you are better than the average person and can work with their favorite person. This will validate their feelings for the other in your presence. Don’t allow normal thinking to cloud the fact that your child’s other parent might just be their favorite person in the whole-wide-world. If not the most favorite, one of their favorites. When you take a negative disposition towards your child(ren)’s other parent, you set yourself up to be disliked.
There’s a saying that goes something like this, “forgive so that you may be forgiven.” The point here is your actions are required first to receive the results you wish to have.
Show your child that you can value their other parent, so that your child can value you. This reminds me of another ancient law, “give and it shall be given unto you…” Whatever, you’re giving out is what you will be given in return. Therefore whatever you communicate will be communicated back to you. So I’d suggest you get good at giving and communicating what you’d like to receive yourself.
We communicate much so that we can have much success.
In the church world there’s a saying that goes like this, “Little prayer, little power. Much prayer, much power.” I’d like to use this same philosophy when it comes to communication. Point Three – “Little communication, little success. Much communication, much success.”
Let’s think of it in common behavior versus uncommon.
What comes naturally (51% or more time than not) is little communication in any relationship. We know this to be true as most relationships fail. One of the biggest reasons couples have problems is due to poor communication. In fact poor communication will bring any relationship, business, church and any other organization to ruin.
Now for what doesn’t come naturally, the uncommon approach. One must go out of their way to over communicate. If normal is the lack of communication, then over communicating should be the feeling you have when communicating at the next level. Remember this is your life, which means it’s your business and as it goes with any successful business, communication is key. We communicate because we want to bring success to our blended family.
I will have to admit, it’s a sobering thought having to improve lines of communication between oneself and a child’s other parent. In the words of John Maxwell, “anything worthwhile is uphill all the way.” If we’re after a lifestyle that differs from the rest, it’s all uphill. Therefore our method to communicate must be uphill so that it’s worthwhile.
Question: what would improved-communication between you and your child’s other parent make better for you?
Reference #1: Matthew 6:14-15 NIV, Bible.com, accessed May 12, 2021, https://www.bible.com/bible/111/MAT.6.14-15.NIV
Reference #1: Luke 6:38 NIV, Bible.com, accessed May 12, 2021, https://www.bible.com/bible/111/LUK.6.38.NIV
All Scripture references used by permission, see our Scripture copyrights.