How to Choose the Fights Worth Fighting
Doing Battle When It’s Absolutely Necessary – Part 1
In this next section of “How to Make the Blended Family Work”, we’d like to take a look at what we call intentional wars or battles that are worthwhile. You have to admit that there are some things in life you just have to fight for otherwise you’ll never achieve the outcome you desire.
Now that we’ve gotten the tough stuff out of the way, we can now walk you through our journey and possibly give you the insight you need to make your life better than you could have ever hoped for. Previously, we talked through the unintended war that resulted in the formation of a blended family. Unintended battles occur when tempers flare and you’re hot. Now we get to discuss the right time to fight.
An intentional battle doesn’t occur because you’re heated, but rather when you have no other alternatives. You only go to war when all other options are totally exhausted. There is one thought worth considering; there are times when war is necessary in order to resolve a conflict that’s keeping both sides from progressing. When you’ve decided to declare war, make sure it’s totally necessary. Sometimes your hands are forced into going into battle with family, but make sure you are clear on your battle plan.
One must know when to fight and when not to. This brings us to the overview of what I’d like to share with you over the course of the next several weeks. We’ll call this “Doing Battle When It’s Absolutely Necessary.” In this series, you’ll find what follows:
Fighting for Your Re-creation
The following topics are what you have to look forward to In this section as we discuss recreating your world based on gaining and becoming a part of a blended family:
- You need people who can help put things together.
There are people you need around you to make sure of a couple things, i.e. what you’re fighting for, how you’re fighting and the cost. Some people are there simply to make sure you stay focused, encouraged, and to offer a shoulder to cry on when needed.
- The dynamics have changed and you need to face it.
Having people in your life helps you to get through the inevitable situations and conclusions of life. There are times when you face or have faced the things you’ve been avoiding.
- You and your children are not the same.
It’s tempting to think that your children and other family members need what you need, think what you think, and share the same perspective when it comes to their world. However, that’s never true. Because every human being is unique no two people will see everything in the same way. It’s time to acknowledge and respect others’ differing viewpoints.
- Think outside the box that limits you.
Everyone has a box that holds them back, we call this box our limiting beliefs. Just because you have constraints and boundaries, that another might not have, doesn’t mean you can’t do anything or the things that you think you can no longer do. Everyone has constraints and parameters they have to work around in life. You’re no different. The question is how will you navigate yours?
Fighting for the Most Valuable Resource
In this section, we discuss the most valuable resource we have. This resource is our time and because it’s not renewable, it’s worth fighting for. Here are the two dynamics one must consider:
- Your child(ren) doesn’t control their time.
Since your children don’t control their time it means their parents do and in a blended family, time must be coordinated between parents. How will you use the time you have? How will you compensate for the time that you don’t?
- Don’t be afraid to set new schedules.
Think of your schedule in the same way any business has to think of their schedule. Sometimes the schedules, timelines and plans change. Your life, even your blended family’s life, is your business and you have a schedule, timelines, and plans that will change. One must be pliable and able to adjust to the changing world all the more.
When we think of intentional battles, we’re talking about the things worth fighting for, things that make life worth living. We’ve identified two things worth fighting for: our re-creation and our most valuable resource.
In “Doing Battle When It’s Absolutely Necessary”, Pamela and I want to, not only provide practical ideas and wisdom on the subjects, but be more transparent than ever before. It’s these ideas and concepts that set the foundation for our lives and our children’s lives. And after a decade, that foundation is still as strong as ever as we watch our family continue to grow, expand, and bond like never before.
Question: what if you saw having a blended family as an opportunity to show the world how family should be done?
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