Why Marriage is A Merger?
From Here to There – Part 3
You might not realize this, but in a typical marriage the excitement and fun can end very quickly. Especially in this present age where everything happens quickly. It’s easy to forget that a married couple should have fun. In fact, normal society paints marriage as everything but fun. You often hear it said that marriage is hard work. That’s normal. What we’re after and what you’re after is how to create an uncommon marriage. That means we’re going to need to remove the “hard work” and get back to having fun.
Allow me to insert this here, if you get back or continue to have fun, you just might still like each other. Love is one thing. You can love a family member, but not like them very much. In an uncommon marriage, you’ll need to love your spouse and like them. In fact, the one you’re married to should be your favorite person in all the world.
You must remember this because your marriage will soon find that there is business to be done. Your life alone is a business, your business. Now that you’re married, there are two businesses that must be run. If you’re not careful as most are not, one person will end up running two businesses. In other words, more times than not one person ends up taking on additional responsibilities from a spouse to help him/her to run their life, their business. Did I mention that this too is common? Keep it fun even when doing the business of one’s life. Now let’s talk about the businesses a little more.
Marriage: The Merger of Two Businesses
When you marry, you merge two businesses together.
A marriage isn’t what we ordinarily think it is which makes sense since so many are unsuccessful. A marriage is a merger of two companies or businesses. It’s the creation of a new company, “The Two of You, Inc.” It’s “Her Corp.” merging with “Him LLC.”
Picture this, a new company has been created that puts both his company and her company together. The problem found in most marriages is that he tries to maintain his company the way it was, while she attempts to keep her business running successfully. This is one more reason why many marriages are unsuccessful. In a marriage there is no more “Her Corp.” or “Him LLC.” It’s only the new company, “The Two of You, Inc.” Now you must figure out together how this new company must run. There are processes from “Her Corp.” that you’ll keep and others will be tossed out. There are some product lines from “Him LLC.” that will work for the new company, but others that will be discontinued. Then together you’ll create new products, new processes, and even new policies. You have a new business. Hopefully you’re getting the picture. Now we need to turn the corner and discuss why merging is so much more important than trying to have two companies that co-exist. Co-existing is like two people who live as room-mates. If you want to be roommates, you have no “business” getting married. Marriage is a merger, not two companies that supply each other with different goods and services, if you know what I mean.
Here’s why marriage as a merger is so important. You see with a merger, once the two companies merge, the old companies no longer exist. Since we’ve taken only the good pieces from both, they can no longer stand alone again. When you merge two lives together, it’s impossible for either to return to life before the merger. Like a company that merges, the merger can’t be undone. In fact, the more time that passes the more impossible it becomes to return back to a pre-merger state. The same is true with a marriage. The goal of a marriage is so that neither party is able to return to their pre-married or pre-merger state. This deal is permanent and unforgiving.
Two people are better at having success.
Marriage gives one an advantage in life because two people working together is better than one.
In an average relationship, people believe that each individual can have their own interests and can keep their own interests separate. That’s contradictory to a merger. If you want to have a relationship like no one else then this is not the way. Ordinary people miss the definition of marriage which is to take two and merge them into one. Marriage is not two people doing life together. It’s the two merging their lives into one new life. Anything short of this produces problems.
You and your spouse can no longer be two, get used to it; it’s the reason for marriage. Marriage = Merger.
“You have no business trying to become two after becoming one.”
Once married and you and your spouse bring the businesses of your life together to create an all new company, you have no business trying to become two separate companies or beings again. Marriage isn’t for ordinary people. It’s for those who desire to be extraordinary in what they wish to accomplish in life. It’s said that no successful human-being was made a success alone. Marriage is your advantage to have a life that’s more successful than a person who does life all alone. There’s a law, a natural law that says “two are better than one.”
Stop holding on to the old companies’ ways in the new company.
For this lesson, fortunately I have experiences in companies that have merged together. What’s interesting is that each time, the people involved find it very hard to let go of their respective legacy company’s values, processes, and ways of doing business. The key to remaining successful in a company that has merged is to treat it like you’ve been hired to work for a new company.
The same holds true for a couple who decides to get married. In the same way, each person wants to hold on to their legacy way of doing life and it just doesn’t work. Each person will have to learn to place their old behaviors, processes, values, relationships, etc, aside for the new life, new business that’s been created. The legacy persons will emerge with a new way of living. If this sounds tough, it’s not. It’s only tough for people who don’t have an understanding of what marriage is and thus don’t really want to be married. In other words, they like the sound or idea of being married, but have no intention of being married. This is the very reason Pamela and I give this lesson on the intent of marriage. The average person has no idea that this is what marriage is all about.
A couple who’s undergone a merger is very difficult to separate.
It’s easy to separate when two people continue to live and exist as two individuals. Two companies that continue to operate separately from each other can easily part ways. However, if the two people or the two companies merge, it becomes impossible to separate. Neither legacy being or company exists and there are no distinguishing parts of the legacy persons or companies to make a clean break. This is intentional in a merger and intentional in a marriage. There are no longer two and they can’t be separated. In order to separate, it must be torn apart and literally destroyed. This is why some divorces are so difficult and why God hates divorce. In order to tear apart a merged couple, it will both destroy people in the process.
I understand that sometimes “uncommon” concepts like this are a little hard to swallow. So I pause here so that you can take a breath. You see, marriage was intended to be beautiful and indestructible when done correctly. The intent is so that the two can never be separate.
Your marriage is the creation of a life, a new business for him and for her.
Question: what type of business are you two creating together?
Assignment: Make a list of all your relationships.
Our next lesson is on the seven levels of relationships. Before we get there, let me give you an assignment that will help you obtain the understanding necessary for these relationships and how they will affect your marriage. This assignment is not to be done together or shared prior to the session. Your assignment is to make a list of all your relationships.
Note: I purposely don’t provide any more detail than this so that your mind goes to work and you place on paper as much as you can.
Reference #1: Ecclesiastes 4:9 NLT, Bible.com, accessed July 8, 2021, https://www.bible.com/bible/116/ECC.4.9.NLT
Reference #2: Mark 10:8-9 NLT, Bible.com, accessed July 8, 2021, https://www.bible.com/bible/116/mrk.10.8-9.nlt
All Scripture references used by permission, see our Scripture copyrights.