Turning the Other Parent From Enemy to Ally
Is That Other Parent Really Your Enemy? Part 1
When it comes to war, the opposing side is considered your enemy. You will be tempted to destroy them completely, but what if the enemy you wish to destroy is your key to the very outcome you desired that started the war in the first place? While you want to kill those you’d rather not do life with, wait a minute, you might need them. I want to kill them, but I might need them. You’re in a Battle, but what war are you fighting? This war isn’t the same war, something has changed.
“You have heard the law that says, ‘Love your neighbor’ and hate your enemy. 
How often have you heard it said to love your neighbor, but hate your enemy? What happens when a person mislabels someone as an enemy when in fact they are a neighbor? Is your child’s other parent an enemy or neighbor? What about your spouse’s child(ren)’s other parent? Is that step-parent to your child(ren) a neighbor or an enemy? I can’t answer this for you, but I can say what I know for sure. Ordinary people are experts at mislabeling the relationship levels they have in life.
Let’s take a look at the uncommon practices you can find in this section that we’ll share in detail over the next few weeks.
- You must see the other parent through your child’s eyes.
Have you ever considered that what you see in your spouse’s children isn’t what they see in you? What I mean by this, under normal circumstances, your child doesn’t see what you see. In fact, a child’s perception of the other parent or step-parent can only be influenced by the picture you paint. What image are you painting for your child(ren)?
- My Child is Your Child.
Let’s think through this for a moment. In a blended family, your child must become their child. No different than your parents becoming their parents. We call them in-laws and normal society paints this in a bad light. The problem is, as you know, we’re not normal people. You see as people of faith, we must be better; we must have elevated thinking. Therefore, my people are your people.
- Those you’ve declared war on yesterday, may be today’s ally.
The people you declared war on yesterday may one day be your best ally. Now this is funny, the person who only yesterday you declared war against is now your only ally in the fight for the best future you can create for your child(ren). Are you really going to alienate your only ally? Are you really going to treat your child’s other parent or their step-parent worse than an enemy? That’s normal.
- You must stop competing against your ally.
Competing against who? This will be some uncommon thinking. Why would a mom and step-mom have to compete when it relates to their child? Why would a dad and step-dad find themselves trying to outdo the other when it relates to their child? Sounds weird as I say it, right? There is a way to define each person’s role so that no one has to compete and your child(ren) doesn’t have to see a fight between the one he/she loves.
While we are eager to get into this section of “How to Make the Blended Family Work”, I am encouraged by some of the feedback we’re getting. It’s not feedback of how helpful this content has been, but better yet, how so many people have never thought of it through the lenses that we’re using. With that said, this section will be no different. In fact, it will probably be the most thought provoking to date. We’re covering topics such as:
- Seeing your child’s other parent through the child’s eyes.
- Breaking apart what it means when I say, my child is your child.
- The person you’re fighting isn’t your enemy.
- Making an ally out of the person you were just engaged in war against.
- Figuring out that there is no competition necessary when it relates to your child.
What if normal thinking has created a war between parents when it just doesn’t have to be?
Today is Friday!
Can you imagine a world where being a part of a blended family wasn’t as bad as those around you have portrayed for you? Well, I am about to change all that for you in this next series. We call it “Is That Other Parent Really Your Enemy?”
Question: would you be willing to get along for your child’s sake?