How We Often Forget That My Child Is Also Their Child?
Is That Other Parent Really Your Enemy? Part 3
Let’s think through this for a moment. In a blended family, your child must become their child. No different than your parents becoming their parents. We call them in-laws and normal society paints this in a bad light. The problem is, as you know, we’re not normal people. Therefore, we see as people of faith, we must be better; we must have elevated thinking. Therefore, my people are your people and vice versa when it comes to a blended family.
There’s a most famous quote that says “love your enemies”. It’s translated like this “I’m telling you to love your enemies. Let them bring out the best in you, not the worst.” [1]
My next statement is going to hurt a little [let’s go to the left here]. If I am to love my enemies, then what kind of treatment does my child’s other parent get from me? If I’m to love my enemies, what does my step-child’s other parent get from me? Shouldn’t the one who loves your child(ren), your spouse’s child(ren), get better treatment than your enemy? You wonder why your blended family scenarios give you so much trouble? It’s because you’ve been thinking and acting like normal people do.
You are not your child’s only parent.
The opposite of love is selfishness. When you think you are your child’s only parent then you my friend are acting out of selfishness. In other words, you’re expressing love’s opposite towards your child(ren)’s other parent and towards your own child(ren). It’s hard to say “I love you” to your child(ren) and they believe it when your actions are saying I hate you. Your actions are saying I’m selfish. Your actions are displaying love’s opposite. Was that too hard or hurtful? I’ll move on.
You decided to part ways not your child.
Get it in your head that just because you want little to do with your child(ren)’s other parent doesn’t mean they do.
A normal attitude is one where when you and the other parent of your child decide to part ways, you think your child should do the same. By the way, if you haven’t figured it out yet, normal isn’t working. Your child didn’t ask to separate from either parent, so why as a parent are we fighting this.
Pamela and I made a decision to never fight this. In fact, we’ve come up with ways to not only support our child(ren) with their other parents, but also supporting the other parents. How’s that? We decided to no longer be like every other ordinary person. We have measures in place that support our child(ren)’s other parents through our child(ren). For example, we make sure that our child(ren) gets the birthday gifts, Christmas gifts, any other gifts they want to give to their other parent. To be clear, we fund it and make sure they honor their other parents. We give generously when it comes to this area. We want our child(ren) to treat them like we’d desire to be treated. Sound familiar? Familiar, but uncommon.
You get to do this for their benefit as well as yours.
Ordinary is messy when dealing with the other parent. It can create long-term and lasting effects on your child that they may never recover from. Since this blended family scenario creates such lasting effects, it’s our plan to use that to our benefit. We intend on making a positive lasting impact.
Let’s revisit the quote from above.
“I’m telling you to love your enemies. Let them bring out the best in you, not the worst.” [1]
Ordinary people allow what they call their enemies to bring out the worst in them. Since this is normal, doing the opposite is…not normal or uncommon. Instead of yielding to emotions that bring out the worst, why not reverse it and look for ways to not only bring out the best, but to be a person who models the best? The best actions. The best attitude. The best responses. If it’s possible to hate your enemies, then it’s also possible to love your enemies. If it’s possible to bring out the worst, then it’s also possible to bring out the best.
Your child is not your child alone, but a child who is a blessing to two parents and to the blended family they share. What if you decided to do it differently, then you can be assured of having different results. What better way to say I love my child than by:
1) letting go of selfishness which eliminates the lie that your child is yours alone,
2) supporting the person who loves your child as much as you do, and
3) allowing the other parent to be a catalyst to bring out the best in you.
Question: what are you willing to do to eliminate seeing your greatest ally as your enemy?
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Find out more about the Family plan here.Reference #1: Matthew 5:43-47 MSG, Bible.com, accessed February 15, 2021, https://www.bible.com/97/mat.5.43-47.msg
All Scripture references used by permission, see our Scripture copyrights.
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