The 16 Outcomes of Love – Part 1
Do We Really Love Each Other? – Part 4.1
If someone were to ask you the outcomes that follow when someone loves, what would you say they are? In other words, what can you expect love to produce in your life? Most often (which means normal) we have very little expectations of love. If someone says they love you then you should expect them to produce one or more of 16 outcomes. Not only that, if someone doesn’t produce one or more of these outcomes as a result of love, you may then conclude that person does not love you. Are you willing to assess your relationship to determine if it is love or not? I ask this question because over time I’ve noticed that what one might fear is that the eyes into which they look aren’t the eyes of a person who loves them. You will discover that more times than not, one’s actions are displaying “I don’t love you” even though the person is saying with their lips, “I love you.” You’re going to want to see these 16 outcomes of love. They are the key to determining whatever or not you’re giving love as well as receiving it.
When Pamela and I coach a couple, we say up front that they don’t have to answer these questions in front of us, but we certainly suggest that when he gets by himself, he should ask these of her and vice versa. These 16 outcomes are what the couple that sits before us is promising to display to each other. Are you ready for these 16 outcomes of love and the most shocking questions I’ve ever asked a person who says that they are “in love?”
Outcome 1 – Practice patience with each other.
“Love is Patient.”[1]
Are you patient with your significant other? There was a time in your relationship that you demonstrated patience, you were never in a hurry and you took your time. Am I still showing patience to my significant other? Am I being shown patience? It’s impossible to tell someone I love you when you have no tolerance for them. My words may say I love you, but impatience says I don’t.
Outcome 2 – Practice kindness for each other daily.
“Love is kind.”[1]
Love without kindness isn’t love at all. Are you kind to your spouse? Is “kind” a word your significant other would use to describe you? Whenever you’re not displaying kindness to your favorite person in the world (or any person for that matter), it is not an expression of love. My words may say I love you, but a lack of kindness says I don’t.
Outcome 3 – Be satisfied with the person you have.
Luther Vandross sang a song that fits perfectly here. That song is called Love the One You’re With. Many times an individual has their focus in other places and simply forgets to love what is right in front of her or him. In other words, we take our eyes off what was satisfying us all along.
“Love does not envy”[3]; “it is not jealous.”[1] “It doesn’t want what it doesn’t have.”[2]
Love is satisfied with what it has. Envy and jealousy are words that describe a person who has become dissatisfied with something they have. Are you envious of your spouse? How about being jealous of what they do or don’t have to do? Are you desiring something of your spouse that he or she just doesn’t have? Anytime, you’re wishing your spouse were something he or she is not, then you’re showing that you’re not satisfied with him or her. My words may say I love you, but desiring something other than what’s in front of me says I don’t.
Outcome 4 – Forget you and focus on the other.
“Love it does not boast.”[4] “It doesn’t strut.”[2]
A person who loves another doesn’t boast on herself or himself, but rather on their significant other. Love focuses on what others have accomplished. Have you had your eyes too focused on your accomplishments and not your spouse’s? Are you bragging on what you’ve done instead of what your significant other has done? If you spend more time talking about your achievements than his or hers, then you, my friend, are not displaying love. My words may say I love you, but focusing on myself rather than my spouse says I don’t.
Take a deep breath. I know I have to as these four outcomes really makes a person think. The first thought should be, am I showing love to the one I say I love and two, is the one I love showing love to me? Based on these first-four outcomes of love, there is some work that needs to be done.
Next week we continue with 8 more of the 16 outcomes of love. You don’t want to miss it.
Question: what expectations do you have of love?
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Find out more about the Family plan here.[/su_note]Reference #1: 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 NLT, Bible.com, accessed September 14, 2021, https://www.bible.com/bible/116/1CO.13.4-7.NLT
Reference #2: 1 Corinthians 13:3-7-3-7 MSG, Bible.com, accessed September 14, 2021, https://www.bible.com/bible/97/1CO.13.3-7.MSG
Reference #3: 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 ESV, Bible.com, accessed September 14, 2021, https://www.bible.com/bible/59/1CO.13.4-7.ESV
Reference #4: 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 NIV, Bible.com, accessed September 14, 2021, https://www.bible.com/bible/111/1CO.13.4-8.NIV
All Scripture references used by permission, see our Scripture copyrights.
