How to Use Seven Normal Behaviors in Changing Who You Become
The War Families Find Themselves In – Part 4.2
Last week we ended with uncommon behavior number six of the thirteen behaviors in changing who you become. So this week we will pick up with the remainder. Before we do, let’s review.
Because your choices have led you to the cross-roads of recreating your life, you have an opportunity to become a better version of yourself, you get to become a new you, a better you. Let’s talk about where this decision can take you. Let’s talk about what it takes to transform the person you’ve seen in the mirror for a lifetime into the person you truly wish to see in the mirror this day forward because of this common opportunity.
As we pick up from last week, we have identified thirteen core human behaviors that in most cases can’t be avoided and must be dealt with. They naturally produce common results we see in most people in society. While being normal sounds good, think about what it means. It means you will continue to have normal results even though you want the results that very few people have. We can not expect better results when we’ve decided to take normal actions. Therefore, these thirteen behaviors can help us identify ways to have uncommon results by simply changing the thirteen behaviors. Sounds very simple, I know. Let’s look into the final seven behaviors to see exactly what reversing these behaviors will take.
Control Your Emotions
Behavior number seven is what’s called outbursts of anger, being angry with someone for no reason at all and having an outrageous outward display of emotion. Do you know people who go off for no reason? There’s this show called Bridezillas and each time I see the commercials, it reminds me of how common or easy it is for people to have fits of rage because they can’t get their way. While Bridezillas is over dramatized for television, it’s not far from the behavior that presents itself inside one’s mind. Outrageous thoughts have a way of consuming one when we allow our emotions to be in control.
In order to see a new you, controlling fits of rage whether internal and/or external, will require controlling our emotions. Let me say this, it’s normal for a person to believe that there is nothing you can do about one’s emotions, but that’s not true at all. Emotions can be controlled and we see it every day. The key to controlling one’s emotions is to replace out of control emotions with disciplines that control them. For example, if you know that hunger causes you to become moody, then schedule times to eat so that it never happens. In other words create disciplines to control the habits you wish to rid yourself of.
Promote Others for a Change
Selfish ambition is behavior number eight, thinking only of what promotes oneself. Selfish ambitions ignore what promotes the team, or the family, or a spouse, a boss, peers, a church, or friends. Do you know someone like this? It’s all about them and what they are after. A person who can only see themselves. I’m only going to think about me, me, me, me, me. This is a common behavior, therefore it’s a target for change that produces uncommon results.
Instead of promoting oneself, find a way and a reason to promote someone else. Can you think of a reason to promote your children? Staff? Spouse? Small group? Friends? Coworkers? What would these people think if you helped them get what they want instead of thinking of what you may want? Remember whatever you sow is the only thing you can ever reap.
Brag on Someone Else
Behavior number nine is dissension, coming up with ways to keep others down. Do you know people whose sole job in life is to put others down? They somehow find ways to put their foot on the neck of another human-being. You can even see this quite often on social media networks like Facebook. It’s very popular which means it’s common.
Let’s use this common behavior of putting others down into uncommon actions that can benefit us for the better. Let’s look at how we can brag on someone else. I have gotten very good at this. I do it by finding something good in the person I meet. In other words, find something, anything no matter how small (even if) to brag on a person. I’ve heard it said that encouragement is like oxygen for the soul. Why not be a source of soul-oxygen? That would make you uncommon for sure.
Be A Team Player
Normal behavior number ten is division, not a part of the team. I’m just going to do my own thing. It’s kind of like being a basketball player and you’re going to be a ball-hog as it’s called. Just give me the ball and I’ll do something with it. A team made up of divided players is the team that doesn’t succeed. If you haven’t noticed most teams are this way and don’t succeed because most teams are average at best.
If we reversed this behavior, would we become like Michael Jordan, an uncommon individual? We find ways to make the team better. The team is important to your success. John Maxwell often says it this way, one is too small of a number for greatness. It’s time we worked to make the team successful.
Figure Out What You Want
Normal behavior eleven is envy, wanting the things someone else has just because you don’t have them. Do you know anyone who has a problem with someone else simply because that person desires what another person has? It’s normal…
The reversal of this behavior isn’t as obvious as many of the other behaviors, but it has one. In this case, it’s figuring out what you want. When you know exactly what you want you lose the desire for things, goals, and the success that others have. The key is to figure out what you truly want, what you want to do, and what you want to have.
Discipline Your Appetite
Normal behavior number twelve is drunkenness, over indulging in the things that I shouldn’t consume in excess. Whether it’s that chocolate, alcohol, smoking, whatever that is… Eating. Drinking. Watching. Medicating. When you overindulge it creates problems. Too much orange juice for that matter can have a bad impact. Too many carbonated drinks. You might not be aware of this, but drunkenness might be the most common of these normal experiences. Normal doesn’t know when enough is enough.
Let’s find a way to alter this normal behavior. What if instead of over indulging, we began the habit of cutting back. What if we under-indulged? That’s uncommon. Here’s what that would take. Anytime we overindulge it comes as a result of some habit. Like smoking; when that urge arises put something in the way of the habit to grab a cigarette like leaving them in the car so that it takes extra effort and thus prompts a decision to be made on whether or not your will continue at this moment. Change takes change. In the words of Jim Rohn, in order for something to change, it must change. Create a discipline that inspires change in every drunken behavior you have.
Control Your Environment
Behavior number thirteen or the last behavior is wild parties, social gatherings that get out of control. Most people want to know how can I get in trouble by partying. Just to clarify, it says “wild” parties, the ones that you shouldn’t be involved in or those that get out of control. In layman’s terms this is nothing more than negative peer pressure in real-time. In our blended family, we can tell you stories about a couple of our children’s college parties with their friends that got out of control. This common experience led to several common results like evictions and expulsions. Wild parties have changed the direction of many lives. It’s a common outcome that happens over and over again.
To alter this behavior requires redefining your personal philosophy. It would be you redefining or just defining your values and applying those values to the environment you create or place yourself in. Everyone has a set of values. What are yours? But more importantly what are the values you want going forward? Your values are the only thing that combat against peer pressure and the environment you set and tolerate. When peer pressure goes against your values you are most inclined not to cave in.
Identifying these thirteen experiences has brought me joy in my fight against the ordinary. I believe every man, woman, and child doesn’t have to settle for what’s ordinary and in this case common behavior.
We really hope these thirteen behaviors aid in your process of becoming brand new. There is absolutely nothing wrong with you trying to better yourself. There’s no requirement for you to master all thirteen. If you start with only one, you’ve still altered the person you see in the mirror every day.
Today is Friday!
Remember the reason we’ve decided to work on ourselves is because the opportunity has presented itself in the form of our family dynamics changing. Don’t miss an opportunity to become the best you can for your family regardless of what may have caused the prompting to make changes in the first place.
Question: if you had the opportunity to change who you are, where would you start in the process?
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