How to Use Six Normal Behaviors in Changing Who You Become
The War Families Find Themselves In – Part 4.1
Now that you get to become a new you, a better you, let’s talk about where this can take you. Let’s talk about what it takes to transform the person you see in the mirror if you want a life unlike the one you had.
In a letter written to the early Church, it says to be careful how you live and make the most of every opportunity. In other words, have a plan to how you live, evaluate how you do life, and make the most of every circumstance (i.e. opportunity). As a new you emerges from the ashes of your past, this is the perfect time for one to take advantage of the opportunity it presents. Starting anew has an upside if you see it that way. You can become the person you’ve always dreamed of becoming without the distractions and deterrents that once held you back. I like to say it this way, you’ve been freed from the environment that was holding you in place. For me, I had a church that held me in place where I wasn’t free to be who I was created to be. I was too busy doing everyone else’s work. When my life shifted, it gave me the opportunity to be the person I needed to become, me.
Allow me to insert this thought here for a little added encouragement. In the last several episodes we painted a picture of the situations that life brings that lead to changes and the reason for this topic on blended families, but I must remind you that everyone has bad situations that happen. It’s how you use these experiences to get you to a better place that matters. What you might see as failure is needed in order for one to become successful. You cannot have success without failure. Even if you fail in family, you have the opportunity to become a success and lead others to success as well.
Now is your opportunity to make some new rules, set some new values, and improve upon old values. You have an opportunity to set up the business called your life in a new and improved way. In this lesson, we’re going to give a few examples in areas where normal people fail the most so that you can begin thinking of the places you’d like to improve for you and your family. Are you ready?
These are areas that you must pay careful attention to as they can carry over into your future at a much faster pace and bring greater opportunities for warring to begin again. They are core human behaviors that in most cases can’t be avoided and must be dealt with.
Let’s look at it this way…when a person does what comes naturally, the results are very clear, one will not inherit an uncommon life. They get more of the same. If you treat these thirteen behaviors like ordinary people, you’ll have the same results you’ve already experienced because of them. These thirteen behaviors are identified in ancient scripture. These normal behaviors have the highest potential to upset your life. I want to visit six of thirteen behaviors as they indicate areas that create problems for people and how you can use this list to fail-proof your life if you reverse them.
Practice Proper Sexual Behavior
Behavior number one is sexual misbehavior. I start here because whether we say it or not, sexual misbehavior is the number one challenge that leads to our biggest problems in all relationships. Anytime you use something in ways it was not intended, it is called abuse. Sex has to be the most abused activity on the planet. Have you ever heard of a spouse or partner who’s ever had sexual relations with another person of the opposite sex or same sex? Yes. It’s pretty common. Have you ever heard of children performing sexual acts? How about employees being preyed upon for sexual favors? How about teachers with students? The answer is yes and and the impacting part of it all, it’s a normal occurrence. But it doesn’t have to be…at least in your life.
Since we know all this is true and more importantly normal, we must figure out what isn’t normal. This is why Pamela and I suggest asking this question, how can I create an atmosphere for proper sexual behavior? What can I do to prevent any sexual misbehavior? Just asking a question like this is a gamechanger. It put me on a path to study what proper sexual behavior is and what it looks like. How can I avoid misbehaving in this area, add this to my plans for life, and evaluate myself on how well I’m behaving in this area? I bet no one has ever suggested that!
Remove Harmful Contaminants
Behavior number two is impurity, when a person’s purity is impaired. One way to define a person who is impure is to say that person is simply contaminated. He/she has allowed something in that’s created some wrong desires. Do you know anyone who seeks lustful pleasures? People who say it makes me feel good? It’s not hurting anyone? We’ve all been contaminated by “normal”, thus fueling more normal desires.
Since contaminants are all around us, we must be careful not to allow these contaminants to win out. Being pure is not something that happens on its own, actually the opposite occurs without much effort.
Since we get to make changes to our life as well as take advantage of the situation, it’s a great opportunity to identify potential contaminants and remove those from our life. This is the process of purification, removing the harmful contaminants.
Place One’s Esteem Beyond What’s Tangible
Behavior number three is what the religious community calls idolatry, the worship of things in place of God. It’s normal for a person to place a strong reverence for an object in place of God. The Old Testament refers to this as worshiping idols. This could also mean a person doesn’t believe in God. Therefore they hold an improper reverence and admiration for such things as money, their job, another person, their feelings, or their resources. Anything that can bring you a sense of security other than God qualifies.
At some point things won’t be able to rescue you from certain challenges that come with living on earth. Before this occurs, find the answers you need so that you can place your esteem in what supersedes tangible or inanimate objects. We call Him God.
Give Credit to Your Faith
Behavior number four is an uncomfortable word to use, sorcery. That simply means believing in things that can’t change your situation. Most individuals believe in things that really can’t change their situation but yet give more credit to that than to their faith. It’s normal to make faith our last hope for change, but why not try it now.
You might not see this but placing faith in your doctor for healing doesn’t work. Doctors don’t heal, they medicate and aid the healing process at best. This is just one example of how we place hope in something that can only let us down. Allow us to encourage you to give more credit to your faith. If you’re going to believe then believe. It’s okay to believe.
Find a Reason Not to Be Angry
Behavior number five is hostility, being hostile, aggravated, and angry with others. Hostility and anger are big problems in our society; that is just another way of saying it’s normal. Road rage is a perfect example. Being upset and hostile with the people that you work with because you’re just having a bad day is another example. Quarreling and making arguments with people for no reason at all, gives you one more example of hostility, aggravation, and anger.
What if you decided not to be angry? Is that even possible? Yes it certainly is. To make the best of your new life and new world, you should give this a try. Find a reason not to be angry. What would it look like if for all those in your life, instead of getting angry, you found reasons not to?
Have Positive What-if’s
Behavior number six is jealousy, living with a negative “what-if” view of another. Do you know that person who lives in what I call make-believe land? They make it a habit of thinking the worst of their spouse, partner, friend, and family. I would say don’t worry about this feeling because it’s normal. But because it’s normal is the very reason you must worry about it. Don’t take this normal into another relationship.
Try the alternative. Have a positive what-if. What if your spouse isn’t being unfaithful? What if your friend really means it this time? What if they are going to finally pay you back? What if they are really telling you the truth? Instead of having the common nasty habit of believing a negative what-if, begin believing a positive what-if.
In this lesson, we’ve covered the first six of thirteen normal behaviors that helped us identify thirteen ways to have the new life we’re after creating.
Today is Friday!
We’ve taken these six normal human behaviors and turned them into uncommon behaviors. Knowing that these thirteen behaviors lead us down a path of creating habits with the potential to devastate one’s life, we’ve decided to use these as a guide for placing our life in the most successful posture possible. This is our plan for how to live, evaluate how we do life, and make the most of every circumstance whether good or bad.
Question: are you interested in knowing what normal behaviors have the potential to disrupt your life and how you can take preventative measures against them?
Thanks for joining us in this installment of “The War Families Find Themselves In.” Next week, we will conclude this series with the last seven behaviors and how you can guard your life against what they produce. Until next week, share this lesson with a friend.