The Seven Levels to Becoming a New Person
The War Families Find Themselves In – Part 3.2
Let’s pick right back up with where we were last week. There are two ways in which you are impacted that will require you to redefine yourself after the war in a family. The first way is “You are no longer who you used to be.” And now for the second way: those you know now, must meet the new person you must become. Keep this thought in mind and how it impacts the family, more specifically the blended-family.
The concept we use, coined, and teach others is “the process of becoming a new person.” Before I go there, the reason one becomes a new person is because the old person will no longer do. The process goes like this. If any person desires to become extraordinary that person must become a new being by taking off the old habits one possesses and replacing them with new habits that are nothing like the old ones. 1
Those you know must meet the new person you must become.
There was once a Jewish religious leader who inquired of Jesus, “how can one be born again?” In other words, how can a person start, begin life over again? How can a person who’s fully grown get a do-over? In Jesus’ response, He made it clear to the religious leader that in order to have the kind of life that he was after required a different type of birth.2 In the same way, a person whose life has been destroyed, taken, turned upside down, or removed is faced with a similar challenge. That person must be re-born. There are no other alternatives and the question then becomes how? Let’s talk about this from a different angle. In this lesson, we will use our seven levels of relationships to express this rebirth process and how it impacts the people connected with a family gone “blended.”
If you’ll recall in our series “Uncommon Relationships: Experiencing the Seven Levels of Relationships“, there are eight relationship types. These relationship types are all impacted following a family war. Let’s outline them briefly and as we go through them, think of all the ways in which that respective level might be affected.
Your foundational relationship level gets damaged.
The basic or first relationship in the pyramid of relational hierarchy is the first level to consider. That’s family. I call it level zero; it outlines what qualifications one must have to be in a relationship as a family member.
When a family falls victim to the war, this level zero or foundational level is shaken and therefore all the other levels get impacted.
In the aftermath of a family war, what you’ve done is brought in other family members and you’ve also lost a few. Can you think of a couple examples? How about one set of in-laws and those in-laws replaced by a new set. Think of how this impacts children; not only are they still connected to the old ones, they now have new ones with undefined roles to consider. What an adjustment not just for you, but your children. The scenarios are endless and that’s only level-zero.
One early key we’d like to offer here is to begin forming the new bonds needed with those who remain and the new ones coming in, as soon as possible.
Your neighbors change.
While neighbors may be the relationship level that’s easily changed, you now are forced to leave the neighbors you’ve become familiar with for new ones. You must now start new level-one relationships.
We’d offer this advice here, start meeting your new neighbors as quickly as you can. It’s the only way to get life restarted and returning to a normal rhythm.
Your students may not wish to be your disciples any longer.
In relationship level-two, the people you influence are impacted. Those who respected your lifestyle, your uniqueness, and ability to mentor them are now faced with whether or not you should continue in this role. You will lose a few who considered you as a mentor. This is because whether you realize it or not your life has changed.
It’s painful, but it happens. Trust me when I say every experience is an opportunity for growth and with growth comes people who will wish to be mentored by you. Therefore, new students will be attracted to you.
Let us give you this advice, don’t waste time looking back at relationships you can not change, instead focus on using what you have to help someone else who is dealing with something similar.
You’ll have friends who will leave you.
Be careful not to misunderstand who your friends are…your level three relationships. These are people you selected to do life with and yes, they will walk away from you. Be prepared for that. If you think about it, you can’t blame them in some cases; you’re not the same person they befriended any longer. You’ve become something new. In order to become something new and something better, something old must be let go. It’s okay, you get to become a better version of who you once were.
While painful, it’s okay. Not every friend walks out on you. Here’s our relationship level three advice, make room for the new friends, the new you need in order to succeed at relationship level three and in the life you desire to build.
Your inner circle may be altered.
What is a situation that could possibly alter those you include in your inner circle, relationship level four? Let me say this, when a family experiences war, this event can alter those who are in your inner circle. It might not impact everyone, but it will change how you see someone and how someone sees you. You have to face the fact that the business you call your life has changed. It’s changed locations. It’s finances have changed. It’s business model has changed. It’s operating hours may even have changed.
The relationship level four advice is this. Your inner circle is important and you want to make certain you have the right person there to help you achieve the life you want. Having the wrong person or persons can only hinder your chances of success.
Your closest friend will prove how close of a friend you are.
Life’s toughest situations are the times you need your closest friends (relationship level five) the most. While the other relationship levels get shaken to its core, this relationship level gets stronger. You realize how important people are and their roles in your life make a huge difference.
Key takeaway here is to make sure you have a close friend in your life.
You lose your relationship level six.
The ugly truth is…you can live without a level six relationship, a spouse. The other ugly truth is life is much better with a relationship level six. It’s at this level the battle occurred and results in the blended family which is the topic of this lesson set. We’ve spent the last few installments getting to this point so that we can begin to share with you how to put it all together after it has all fallen apart. Allow me to insert this here, a blended family is a family that you are determined to make work. It’s different from the original family that most often was set to autopilot. Or the family that was poorly managed.
At any rate, the key takeaway is to never let failure define how you do this relationship level. Take your life off of autopilot and take the yoke by the hands and control your destination.
You rebelled on or abandoned your relationship level seven.
What I’m about to say is not going to make you feel good, but I must say it to complete the thought here. When life takes a nosedive, the turn we’d never expect it to take, one of two things have occurred: either you abandoned your level seven relationship or you’ve rebelled on your level seven relationship. Relationship level seven has to do with who sits on the throne of your life. In other words, who’s your God? Everyone has a God whether they admit it or not; it’s the person who’s pulling your chain. At any rate, when this relationship is out of sync, the problems become destructive at all the other relationships levels. This is why Pamela and I started at relationship level seven to create a family experience unlike any other. What that means is at every level we’ve exceeded normal. When we created our blended family, we started at the top of the relationship pyramid and worked our way backwards which is uncommon. More on that later.
Key takeaway, without a proper relationship level seven, it’s impossible to have success in any family, especially the blended family. A normal family won’t be successful without it. Can you imagine what a blended family looks like without a proper relationship level seven?
Here’s what you need to know and always remember, you must have a plan. If you want to succeed, it starts with a plan.
Today is Friday!
We’ve just given you seven areas (a cheat sheet) on where you can begin with your plans to achieve success. This will not only work in a blended-family household, but all households. Some time ago I wrote a lesson called “You Can Be Wise or A Fool, But You Can’t Be Both.” Which will you be when it comes to your life, your business? You have the controls to the life you’re making. While most don’t know that they’re responsible for making the mess of the life they’ve had, they also don’t know that they can make the best life they’ve ever had. The choice is yours.
Question: What would you do differently if you had the chance to become a new person?
Reference #1: I Corinthians 5:17 NKJV, Bible.com, accessed November 4, 2020, https://my.bible.com/bible/114/2CO.5.17.nkjv
Reference #2: John 3:1-14 NLT, Bible.com, accessed November 4, 2020, https://www.bible.com/bible/116/JHN.3.1-14.NLT
All Scripture references used by permission, see our Scripture copyrights