What Do You Do When Conflict Shows Up?
Understanding the Relationship Life Cycle — Matured Love
Every relationship moves through stages.
In Part 1, we discussed the new love stage. Now we move into what I call matured love—the phase where most relationships are either strengthened or strained.
This part of the relationship life cycle includes two stages:
conflict and resolution.
If you want to build a strong relationship, you must learn how to navigate both.
Stage 3 — Conflict in Relationships
Conflict doesn’t mean something is wrong. It means something is real.
As you move through the stages of a relationship, the differences you overlooked in the beginning begin to surface. Backgrounds, beliefs, and expectations collide—and that produces conflict in relationships.
Most people see this as a negative.
But conflict is actually a signal that your relationship is ready to grow.
Think of it this way: conflict is where understanding is developed. It reveals what matters most to each person and forces both individuals to engage at a deeper level.
Handled correctly, conflict strengthens connection.
A Different Way to View Conflict
Ordinary thinking says conflict is something to avoid.
Uncommon thinking says conflict is something to use.
Your partner is not your enemy. They never were. Conflict doesn’t mean someone is trying to harm you—it means two people care enough about what they believe to bring it forward.
This is where growth begins.
Learning how to handle conflict in a relationship the right way is one of the most important skills you can develop.
Stage 4 — Relationship Conflict Resolution
Every conflict leads to a decision point.
That’s what we call relationship conflict resolution.
At this stage, there are only two paths:
- Work through it
- Walk away from it
Both require change. That’s the part most people miss.
If you choose to work through it, it means expanding your thinking to understand your partner’s perspective. It doesn’t mean abandoning your beliefs—it means growing beyond them.
If you choose to walk away, the cost is often higher than expected. Time, connection, and shared life are all invested by this stage.
Either way, change is required.
How to Resolve Conflict in a Relationship Effectively
If you want to move forward, you must approach resolution with intention.
That means:
- Understanding before responding
- Expanding your perspective
- Choosing growth over being right
This is how you begin how to resolve conflict in a relationship effectively.
When resolution happens the right way, the relationship doesn’t end—it resets.
You return to connection again.
Ownership: The Key to Building a Strong Relationship
Now let’s address one of the biggest myths in relationships.
Most people believe relationships are 50/50.
That’s not true.
If you want something uncommon, you must move to 100/100.
You give 100%.
Your partner gives 100%.
And even more important—you take full ownership.
If the relationship succeeds, it’s on you.
If it struggles, it’s on you.
That level of ownership is what creates real growth and leads to building a strong relationship.
The Bigger Picture
The relationship life cycle is not something to fear—it’s something to understand.
Just like seasons in life, each stage serves a purpose. Conflict prepares you for deeper connection. Resolution moves you forward.
When you understand the process, you stop reacting and start building.
Continue the Journey
If you want to go deeper into conflict in relationships, relationship conflict resolution, and building a strong marriage, we cover this in more detail in our book:
Next Level Marriage
👉 kerryaclark.com/nextlevelmarriagebook
Available wherever books are sold.
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